Humans

Have you ever had one of those....let's go with years....that just makes you wish you could suck the bad out of everything? In the past year I have made many friends. I have also lost many of those friends. I wonder why I was ever friends with them in the first place. They're not particularly good people. At all. What drew me to them? They're the kind of people who want to be cool. They put effort into making cool look effortless. I have no idea why I thought I could fit in with these people. I know that at some point they liked me. There are moments I can think back on and I know that they liked me. Those times when they looked me in the eyes and said nice or encouraging things to me, or even just saying goodbye. What did I do to make them forget all of that and just hate me? No questions asked? Maybe it's just in their personality to forget all the good, but I find that hard to believe. It's not like I even did anything bad. In one case all I did was express an opinion, and in the other I was accused of something I didn't do. It was the other party's escalation of things that made things bad. I just don't understand humans. Sometimes I think that humans aren't even worth it. That there is no way people can be good. The things we do to each other are horrible. Even what friends do to friends. I know a person whose feelings of ownership over someone have completely clouded their judgement. No one owns anyone.

I have a hard time believing that people don't know this.

Oasis.

I've had a very Oasis kind of day. Driving on country roads with the sun shining down and the clouds nice and fluffy. It made me wish that my camera had batteries. It was so calming. A feeling that I've missed since winter clouds have taken over. As much as I love overcast days, they're boring. There's no variation. No beauty as "far as the eye can see". I also realized that rural Ohio is very religious. I can't tell you how many Lent crosses we passed by.

I feel kind of bad for my grandmother. At the same time, though, I envy her. She can say whatever she wants as no one can say anything. If I said some of the things he said I would be scolded. But it is a very sad and lonely existance. To live in a nursing home with nothing to do but habitually read the Plain Dealer (which is kind of a punishment because the Plain Dealer sucks). But they get to listen to Etta James, so I suppose it's not all that bad.